The Divorce Chronicles- Chapter Two- Anger and Confidence
I have done some enormous healing over the past few weeks since I wrote Chapter One in this series.
I give full credit to my faith for this.
I prayed a novena to St. Ann. Usually I have to sign up for these novenas to receive them in my “in box.”
This novena just sort of appeared. So, I started praying it.
Within a day I felt a noticeable shift towards self-love and self-confidence.
About this time, I had to go out of town for a two-day new hire conference. I felt so resistant to going to this conference, leaving my normal routine of self-pity, tears and watching sunsets on my back deck and drinking chamomile tea.
If I’ve learned anything over my past 50 years on this planet, it’s what I have felt the most resistance to usually turns out to be just what I need.
I met some amazing women, made one new true friend that lives in Memphis (and calls me her sister from another mother of another color) and my self confidence took a huge leap forward.
The next leap forward came last weekend, when I discovered a book called The Surrender Project. Even though I ended up not finishing this book because it is too “new-agy” for me, the spiritual principle of surrendering to life, letting life (or God) call the shots, and saying yes to what is placed before you totally opened me up to a new sense of hope. And it reminded me how vital it is to let God call the shots… THY WILL BE DONE.
So, off to confession I went and made the entire confession about how sorry I was for any sins I committed against my ex-husband. For any criticism, comparing, judging or negativity.
But most of all for all the instances that I wasn’t totally open to God’s will in every moment.
I pray the Our Father every day but how often, I thought, do I truly tell God, “You call the shots and I will truly accept whatever you bring me!”
The caveat is you need to have a level of discernment and ask for God’s will in your life and not be open to just anything. You need to know scripture. Demons are tricky. But that’s why God gives us HIS word. He wants us to know what kinds of things are good for us and what are not. The guy who wrote the book was just accepting anything and everything that came his way and it seems to me that demons were behind much of what he was experiencing. This is the problem with people not understanding how real spiritual warfare is.
After that confession, I cried through Mass. I was feeling my own contrition.
But that night, I awoke at 4:45 and I was pissed!
I had finally gotten there… to the ANGER phase. And it felt GREAT!
I thought, who is he to reject me?? How could I possibly want someone that doesn’t love me, or see me, or appreciate all the great things about me.
Well, I tell ya, I don’t!
Anger + Confidence= Healthy Boundaries.
And healthy boundaries are where life gets good!
We teach people how to treat us and what we will and will not accept.
I have felt a new sense of freedom and relief ever since. I got up Sunday morning and ripped off all the self help love notes I’d written to myself about how great I am and taped them up all over my house.
“I don’t need these anymore! I said to my pets. “I know I’m awesome!”
Feeling the anger triggered my self-confidence to return. And boy did it return with a vengeance!
And my sister from another color and another mother called me today and has already set me up with “two gorgeous men with nice smiles who I just really liked and they are Christians.” And she went on to tell them they had better treat me right or they’d have her to answer to.
The days of people overlooking me, disregarding me, belittling me, and treating me in any way other that as a HOLY and SACRED daughter of the king and creator of the Universe are OVER!
Hello healthy boundaries!
I am excited to see what life and God have in store for me next!
Whatever it is… it’s going to be AMAZING!!